A Subtle Art

“In life, we have a limited amount of f*cks to give. So you must choose your f*cks wisely. Because when we give too many f*cks, when we choose to give a f*ck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times.”

The idea of not giving a f*ck is a simple way of reorienting our expectations for life and choosing what is important according to Mark Manson in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*uck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life.

In a humerous but deeply philosophical two hundred pages or so, Manson shares his life lessons for living a happy life. His main points include;

  • We are all wrong, all the time, some are just a little less wrong than others.
  • Things go wrong, for everyone, so happiness is learning how to appreciate the struggles in life.
  • You are not special, stop trying to prove yourself.
  • Life is about solving problems, therefore pick good problems to solve.
  • Always be skeptical of yourself and have a fluid sense of your identity.
  • Conflict is necessary and inevitable. Learn to deal with it.

Manson suggests that most people who have “first world” problems are often victims of their own mentality and these problems stem from the fact that they have nothing more important to worry about. In addition, some people choose to believe that there is nothing they can do to change their situation. But there is always something that you can do. Changing the way you perceive problems and overcoming this victim mentality requires an individual to take extreme ownership. This can then reorient the way we choose to approach situations and help to overcome feelings of anger, helplessness and despair.

This is a self help book that challenges you to stop sweating the small stuff, find your purpose and embrace your faults in order to live a more content and happy life.

Extreme Ownership

This year I have committed to reading fifty books.

My first read caught me somewhat by surprise – Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. Jocko and Leif are two combat-proven U.S. Navy SEAL Officers, who led the most highly decorated special operations unit of the war in Iraq and demonstrate throughout how powerful SEAL leadership principles apply to business and life.

I seriously think this may be one of the best leadership books I have read. Each chapter is broken into three parts; the first identifies a leadership lesson learned through Navy SEAL combat or training experience, the second explains the leadership principle and the third demonstrates the principles application to the business world.

Through riveting storytelling and the use of military language, the book explains the laws of combat applicable to any situation; Extreme Ownership, Cover and Move, Simple, Prioritize and Execute, and Decentralized Command. 

Extreme Ownership in particular prompted some deep reflection. The principle dictates that an individual must own everything in their world. There is no one else to blame. For anything. If something isn’t working as it should, a team isn’t functioning or a relationship between two staff members isn’t working, then it is the leader’s responsibilty to look in the mirror and take extreme ownership of the situation. As Willink explains,

“As individuals, we often attribute the success of others to luck or circumstances and make excuses for our own failures and the failures of our team. We blame our poor performance on bad luck, circumstances beyond our control, or poorly performing subordinates – anyone but ourselves. Total responsibility for failure is a difficult thing to accept, and taking ownership when things go wrong requires extraordinary humility and courage. But doing just that is an absolute necessity to learning, growing as a leader and improving a team’s performance.”

I think this is a worthy challenge to all teachers and leaders in schools in 2017. Take Extreme Ownership of your situation. Take personal responsibility for failures. Have a difficult parent to deal with? Not happy about something in the curriculum? A relationship with a co-worker has broken down? A team you lead not performing satisfactorily? Take Extreme Ownership, engage others in the conversation and create a solid no-nonsense list of corrective measures that can be implemented to improve the situational outcome.

This book is a must read. Practical leadership lessons from a diferent perspective.